First off, you need to know where to find me, if you still want to find me:
Twitter is a shit show so who knows how long it will be around. I will be around long after everything else burns down because as we know:
GOD HATES ME.
So I lost my job before Thanksgiving. I’m fucked, fux0red, screwy-screwed. So the only thing there is to do is to hustle hard- at nothing.
Now let me be clear: I feel like I have gotten nothing done. This isn’t true. I actually have gotten A LOT done. Truthfully, though I am taking a huge financial hit and am terrified at what is going to happen to me in 2023, I realize now, I actually need the rest of this time to get ready for my trip to Antarctica and not for the reasons why you’d think:
This trip is actually very different than any other trip I’ve taken before- I will have access to NOTHING for the two weeks I am on the boat. I can email but it will cost a lot. There is no web surfing, Instagram, etc… none of that. This isn’t a bad thing, to be honest, but I do reference things a lot, look up things a lot, etc… so what I have been doing is making an offline library for myself so I have access to things like operational manuals for equipment I am bringing with me, first aid, etc. I also had to spend money I didn’t want to on a Garmin InReach because I don’t trust anyone… I don’t even trust YOUR satellite communication. If something goes wrong, I need to know that I have control over my situation the best I can. There will be more details on this in another post. That’s why you should bookmark the websites I listed above. I have plans…
This goes back to me feeling like I’ve gotten nothing done, I’m slacking, I’m being lazy, etc… because in my brain I am so trained that if I am not even doing anything at a corporate job, any time I spend on personal things is not of value. This isn’t true. There are a lot of personal things that needed to get done that have been slacking that I am starting to make a dent into. I am using this time between jobs to get everything fixed, updated, and automated so I can start trying to feel like myself again. There is a lot that I need to get on top of. EMPIRE & ACES has sat for years “I’ll get to it”. It’s Complicated might come back “when I get to it”. My personal websites have sat musty and dusty. Perhaps I am a dinosaur- I’m not going to go to Tik Tok to get attention by doing something to a song because I need attention that much but I have something to offer still… .maybe. I dunno.
I also need to realize that it’s okay to sit on the couch and do nothing. LOL. I worked all day even though it doesn’t seem like it. Working on stuff for yourself to make things easier, in the long run, is still work. I’m updating a bunch of old systems right now which.. takes time and needs to be babysat… these are things I have needed to do for a long ass time. Hell, I am actually going to make this stupid website look a bit better even if it is my behind the scene (well not really) bitch zone.
In other news, I’m thinking of going back to BJJ even though it makes me angry and depressed. This is probably a really, really, really bad idea. I just want to train and have no drama. I really miss the workout. I feel in part this is me still chasing when I loved BJJ and Muay Thai. I learned that you cannot recreate moments in time that were joyful because anything you do after will not be exactly the same experience you remember. It just can’t be- you have to find new joys. I am going to try to work on that but it is so. fucking. hard. right now.
Anyway, a Patreon IS coming soon where I will have stuff that I am gatekeeping from the masses. Actually, that is coming in the New Year.
I have a lot of shit I need to get done before Jan 1st. Fuck me.