Not dead… just still going through my things… Mostly really busy.
Work is… absolute shit and I will leave it at that. Well, not really. since my mom died and well (this will be news to you) I disowned/was disowned by my father (not sure if I will tell this story yet or if it will come out when I am ready to talk in detail about the death of my mother. As disrespectful of me as he has been, my kind heart sorta wants him to kick off before I say anything. On the other hand, while my mom was dying in her house, he was angry with me and my dying mother who couldn’t talk and decided to say to both of us “Guess I’ll go back to my room and listen to Fox News then” and proceeded to go to his room and blast Hannity. Look nobody wants to listen to that shit while they are dying. He also tried to tell me how great Kanye and Candice Owen are and how racism isn’t really real. Oh, and he also called _ME_ a racist… so yeah.. fuck him… this is only the tip of the iceberg with that man)…
What was I saying? Oh yeah, so since my mom died and I have no father, I am 100% on my own now- it’s terribly sad, and now I realize somewhat freeing. I am so sick of what I have been doing for going on 47 years of my life now (hey, my birthday is on the 23rd. Wanna get me something? No? That’s okay, my mom is the only one who has ever gotten me something over the last years and now she is dead so I won’t be getting shit on my birthday anymore.) I don’t want to do what I do anymore. I mean I do, but I don’t. In the new year, it’s looking 99% sure I will be without a job, if not sooner. I’m still going to Antarctica hell or high water… and I am trying to work on a bunch of little businesses. If anyone still gives an ounce, I will definitely need a lot of help coming in the new year. There will be a lot more posting going on.. I’l clue you into what websites you might want to watch. I think keeping my life compartmentalized works best for me, even if I am starting to finally shed my corporate side more and more.
There will be a patron. There will be a GoFundMe. I ain’t too proud to beg anymore. I want to have the last half of my life be happier and better than the first part. I absolutely am not in a position to do that right now… So much stuff in the background wiped me out financially last year… And without going into details, I had been saving and saving and saving so I could do what I am about to do with now NO money. But I got wiped out… because of my shitty fucking luck.
Fuck me.
Actually, don’t. My ass is raw enough as it is and I don’t like it.
Believe it or not, I’m starting to try to fight back again. She’s in there, somewhere, still… and she’s trying to fight back but man, it’s a real uphill battle. I spend moments where I end up crying still because I miss my mom. I have moments when I just look out the window and realize that I really am truly just… alone. More than I ever have been.
I miss my mom. You’re gonna get sick of me saying this, but I do. She and I had a lot of issues in the end but she was my mom. She loved me more than anything. I’m sure she still does wherever she is. I love her too.
Grief is a strange thing.
Anyway, a brief update. I have a lot to do today. Everything right now is focused on getting me where I need to be when I leave for Antarctica in Feb of 2023. You’re gonna wanna keep your eyes on me. Watch out for my Instagram. Watch out here… all my websites are going to start popping again in the New Year… and if you like my travel stories, those will start next year (fingers crossed).
(Hey, if you don’t ask, you never even get a shot to see if the world is open.)
No, I am fucking serious… I am a broken (am I really?) mess who is trying her best to put herself back together and finish off this life strong. Help? I need help. C’mon… I know I am old and ugly now but I still deserve a fan club. I’m still one of the most amazing women you will ever know/observe. No hyperbole, just facts.
Okay, errands. Laters.