There are so many things that the south and west side of Chicago need but this really isn’t it. This isn’t it anywhere in the country or the world right now. The old way is gone yet people are insisting on clinging to it. Correction, people who got to where they are now by “the old way” don’t want to lose the trappings of that power so want to hold on to it in every way they can. Being in the office is a power trip. If people want to be in the office, cool, if they don’t , that’s cool too. Younger people in the office, I sort of agree with that, but mid to senior level people don’t need to be where you can see them to be productive. But hey, let’s build luxury office spaces to prove something that in today’s current environment, really doesn’t mean anything, does it?
I still like to think that I am a capitalist however, I realize now that even if you are a good person and believe in responsible capitalism, the bad people, the manuplators, the con-men and the vultures are the ones who will make out in the end. The economy for the everyday person right now is SHIT, okay, it’s SHIT. Groceries and gas are out of this world, there are layoffs still happing with no replacement jobs, and if there are, those jobs are paying 30% less than pre-pandemic rates. THRITY PERCENT LESS THAN PRE-PANDEMIC WAGES. Inflation isn’t going down- at least not if you live in a major city, and we’re paying attention to Hunter Biden’s ding dong in tight whities (seriously, I do not give a fuck.).
The South and West sides of Chicago need investment but those investments need to be infrastructure, groceries stores and jobs- not of the office variety quite yet because due to how things are down there, the education isn’t there- YET. Investment in the people first, then the rest will come.
I wish I had money. I wish my parents had been smarter so that I had been smarter. There is so much that I KNOW now that I could do something with but I have zero capital. Stupid position to be in. I could do something about all of this.
I had a screening interview on Friday for a job that I really wanted that didn’t go well. I doubt I will move to the next round. I’m bummed for so many reasons:
I really wanted the job
I am on food stamps now
I have ZERO income
I don’t know how I am going to pay rent or my car payment.
I want to get upset but maybe I’ve finally “crossed over”. My stress level is bad but I dunno, I don’t feel like hiding in my bed and going “Oh woe is me”. There are a few things I DO know, as I said, over the last year, I found out who my real friends are… I have more than I thought but some who I thought were my friends are not. I do think about this Mike Tyson quote from time to time which is interesting. I feel bad for liking him in his old age.
Anyway… It’s almost a year that my mom has been dead (Sept 16th- buried Sept 22nd). I’m much better than I was however I still get random moments where I just cry. This morning was one of them.
Because I am on food stamps, I really have to be careful what I spend it on. I do have food that I put away during the pandemic.. some of it past it’s ‘best by” date, but I don’t think it will kill me. I am trying my hand at making sandwich bread from scratch today as the breadmaker is good, but I still am not getting that texture that I want. I have time (duh) so I decided to take a stab at it today. As I said, I was really good about putting some food away during the pandemic/start of the Ukrane war because I knew food prices were going to go up. I stocked up flour. I was out of bread flour in my pantry but I knew I has some in my deep freezer. I go to get it and burst into tears. My mother when she was at my house when I was out of town had taken my bread flour and vacuum sealed it. I didn’t do that.. I have black bags for that and I never got around to do it. She had clear ones. I didn’t want to open up the bread flour but I needed it so I did and that just started the waterworks this morning. She loved me so much. So much. I took that for granted and I am so sorry for that.
I have drinks that she bought me that I didn’t want in my fridge still. I can’t bear to throw them out.
Addendum… I never posted this… The day I was going to do this, I found my father’s body and my world, which was already upside down was now inside out.
More later, I suppose… and I thought I was going to get the food stamps but now I’ve heard nothing about it.