A few years ago, I made the decision to stop posting about work on social media… mostly because work was kinda okay and I didn’t feel the need to vent.
Today, that changes…
I am being treated pretty badly at my current job. Pretty sure my current manager is trying to make me quit. I mean she’s treating me like “mean girls”. I should laugh because it’s so obvious what is going on and why but unfortunately because I am a contractor, I have nobody to go to- no HR and my contracting company won’t help me because they care more about keeping the account. So instead I am being uninvited to meetings, being told I can’t speak to my co-workers, and am being shunned at work. Mind you- I’ve been there for 1.5 years and the team I have been working with likes me but they aren’t my direct management so if they like me or not, they can’t help me.
It’s getting really hard for me, especially since my mother died and I have nobody anymore. Which is probably why this woman (my boss) is twisting the screws. I just want to do my job like I used to but because she wants me gone so badly, she’d done everything she can to try to get me to quit since she cannot get me for cause- my work is always on time, always good, and I’m always available if you need me. She keeps taking my meetings away from me, has other people doing my job and is doing everything she can to keep me out of the loop on my own projects so that I look like I am doing nothing and know nothing. Its heartbreaking to be honest that someone can be so fucking petty.
I hate petty.
In the meantime, I’m trying very hard to get my company out there again and try to get some sort of contracts and work. I don’t know why this time will be any different than the last 100 times. But what can I do? I want to be treated fairly and paid my worth. That seems impossible unless you own the company.
So yeah, I am trying to put several irons in the fire right now to try to get me some income since I think either this month or next month, she’ll finally get her way and I’ll be out of a job.
“But Tek, why aren’t you looking for another job now?”
One: Just at the end of the year, there won’t be any hiring really until December… it should pick up in January however. I’m starting to talk to headhunters and will actually have lunch with one next week (which is going to be hard for me as I’m still grieving and just don’t want to be bothered with anyone, frankly). I’m trying to start building those relationships again even though I hate this shit but it’s how the world works.
Two: I’m still going to Antarctica. I don’t want to do that either because it just doesn’t seem interesting to me anymore. I even less want to be on a boat with a bunch of people I don’t know with no personal space at the end of the earth for two weeks. But I paid so much for it and I know my mom would be angry with me if I don’t go just because she’s dead now and I’m feeling so lonely.
God, I miss my mom so much. She was the only person who was truly on my side, in my corner. She couldn’t help me but she loved me more than anything. Everyone else in this world abandoned me because I just I suck that much.
I miss my mom.
I miss my mom.
Things are so hard right now and having this (rhyme with “punt”) doing everything she can to make my life hell right now doesn’t help. I’m really worried about how I am going to support myself if I lose my job. This world keeps getting worse and worse, and I have no tribe, no people so if I don’t have enough to support myself, I will be fucked. I keep forgetting that I will have a (very) small settlement coming to me from the accident I believe but that won’t be until March at the soonest. Probably will be no more than a 3K if that.
So yeah. I am excited about some work I am doing for my friend’s real estate business to get him more organized and hopefully close more deals but I’m not getting paid for that (yet- if he takes off then I will get a kickback. Fuck I hope he takes off- it would alleviate some of my stress to know that I had at least a grand coming to me every month for minimal effort because I configured a CRM and added in automation). I have a few other ideas as well, but just need to get the energy/time/money to move on them. I would really LOVE to walk out of 2023 having pulled in 250K somehow after coming from behind and with nothing.
But I have to try because I have nobody to take care me…
God, I would kill for a real hug from someone who actually cares about me.
Mama, I miss you so much. If you are a ghost, please go haunt that… “punt”.
( I know you hated me cursing).