Getting upset about shit won’t make shit better

Long time no talk. I keep saying that I am going to get better about this and I swear this time I will. This year I will. My voice is needed, even if it only by me. Which basically, is the truth since I have zero support network in all truthfulness. Everyone is dead and I have like two real friends who don’t live anywhere near me and honestly, I really need some emotional support (along with financial).

I’ve been trying to figure this all out. A lot of me not saying anything has to do with corporate America. I’ve always been worried about being “found out”. But not being found out hasn’t been working well for me, has it? I haven’t had a steady job for over two years now. That’s more the way the market is, regardless of the numbers and stories that they tell you on the news. I have no income, no insurance, no prospects. Nowhere to go if I lose my home.

I have nobody and nothing.

This goes back to the first paragraph: What do I really have to lose? I’m 49 and most would say that yes, I have been living my authentic self and my authentic life and I do so more than most, but also not really? There is always a part of me that I keep controlled, and to myself because I don’t have a safety net so I am afraid of being “found out” so I lose my income. And here we are in this circle- I have lost my income and I wasn’t being “me – me” so again-

How’s that working out for you, toots?

Yeah, thought so.

So here I am, going to try to do something different but the same. I’m going to do my best to start writing my blogs again. I am going to try to start up my YouTube channels and I am going to work on my businesses because I sure as hell don’t see me landing another IT job in 2025 with everything going on. I’m also going to try to restart the podcast (I say this every year). It’s my lack of support that makes me quit doing things. You need a little bit of support, you know- even a badass bitch like me. And I assure you, I’m still a fucking badass… I wouldn’t have gotten this far with everything going on if I wasn’t. But I don’t feel like a badass because I haven’t had a win in a very long time.

I’m still trying to figure out how to put this all together with the various websites and stuff. I loosely do have an idea however. If anyone is still reading this, I will ask you to subscribe to a few youtube channels. It would help me out in the long run.

• MsTek
• It’s Complicated

My other websites will have stuff too but I am thinking of keeping those more general and not so much the darker personal shit on there. You can find that here. 😉 If anyone is still reading.

You also can find me on BlueSky.

Here is to 2025 and against all odds, I figure out a way to beat it.

I’m not going to only be the hero I need, but the hero you need as well.

I did go on a tangent here. I lost my health insurance in December. I have a problem right now but because I don’t have insurance, I can’t get help and that’s upsetting to me… but getting upset isn’t going to help the situation and right now, that’s what I really can’t afford anymore: Getting upset.